Hello my friends ~ I need a bit of advice ~
If you read my blog, you know that my daughter has bought a new home and has moved out ~ I am doing well with this transition ~ she is not ~
She moved in on Saturday, and she called me this morning, crying ~ she wants to come home ~ she doesn't feel comfortable ~
I have been there, helping her set up her new home ~ I think she is homesick ~
She can't sleep, feels sick to her stomach and misses her home ~ what can I do?
I just advised her to take a hot bath, have a cup of tea and try and bond with her new home ~
Do you have any suggestions? I don't want her to come home for fear that I am enabling her to stay with us ~
I am so confused ~ Please, if you have gone through this transition, I would love any advice you can give me ~
It's just so hard so see your children hurting ~
Thank you my friends ~ I depend on your advice
(((Hugs)))
Marianne
Ah perhaps she really isn't ready to be alone. She might need a roomate, share expenses and have someone there.
ReplyDeleteI will tell you what we did when the first day of college my daughter fell and sprained her ankle. after an ambulance ride (she didn't have a car) and calls home crying begging us to come get her. I was in the car ready to go get her. My husband said if we get her now she will never go back. And if we get her she not only has a sprained ankle we will cripple her for life.Fast forward 11 years she tells us the best thing we did for her while she was in college is not bring her home.Be tough mom I know it is not easy. I have no idea how old she is but this is a learning curve. and a hard one. she will thank you just keep doing what your doing. and lots of visits to her house.
ReplyDeleteThats my advice for what it is worth.
Cathy
I am sorry that your daughter is homesick. Adjustments and change can be harder for some than others. Hopefully she will fluff her nest to her liking and with time she will love her new home. A care package from Mom always speaks comfort. Good luck.
ReplyDeletexo
Danielle
No matter how old our kids get, we never stop being moms and we never stop trying to fix everything for them. Sometimes, though, we are better to let them fly, no matter how difficult it is. Perhaps it would help if she could tell you what it is that she doesn't like about the new place and what she misses about home. Maybe then, the two of you can figure out how to make it more to her liking and fill those voids. It could surpirsingly be something so minor that she misses, besides her family, which are major things. I hope y'all can figure it out and she can be happy in her new home with her new independence. It's hard to grow up. Good luck! Hugs, Leena
ReplyDeleteI went through this same issue with my middle daughter.How old is your daughter? Mine is only 19 and she moved out and was so unhappy, depressed and cried and cried.We let her move home and she stayed about 6 mths and now is on her own again and doing better.Though she does still miss being home and likes knowing that if she needs to she is always welcome.
ReplyDeleteYour daughter may just need to know that she can come home if she needs to.Maybe let her come stay awhile, maybe she can find a roommate.It can be very hard on some to adjust and be all alone.It also can cause some very serious anxiety issues.
Be there for her and give her options clearly she needs her Mom and comforting right now.Best of luck~Kim
It might take time. Sounds like this might be a good thing for her. It might be fun to help her plan a housewarming party and embrace the positive side of living on your own and home-ownership. Highlighting the upside (decorating, entertaining, and independence) will help with the adjustment. You're a good mom. :)
ReplyDeleteKaren
I agree with Karen - a housewarming party, where everyone brings her a little gift for her new home and admires what she has done with it might be a good thing to do.
ReplyDeleteLiz @ Shortbread & Ginger
Your readers have so many good ideas. I think it has to be a shift in her thinking about it. Maybe you could plan an old-fashioned slumber party once a month until you feel she doesn't need that anymore. Sending you both serenity as you go through this transition. It WILL get better.
ReplyDeleteCould it be that it's the holiday season? Maybe once the new year hits she'll feel better about it! Or is it anxiety about being alone? I'm 44 and I've had anxiety attacks just because my husband leaves for work at 4 a.m.! If she's not sleeping due to fear maybe she should get an alarm system or a dog? I love the other commenter's idea of a housewarming party!
ReplyDeleteI'll chime in as the daughter who went back home several times, I know right?! I'll spare the details but with my emotional state at the time, I'll be thankful forever that my parents always took me back, of course I was working and did my own finances but the emotional support was a godsend. Fast forward 20 years, my husband and I took my parents into our home and cared for them until they passed away. But back to your daughter: does she say exactly what she's not comfortable about? Is she afraid of something? Or lonely? Loneliness can be unbearable, especially at the holidays as someone? that was my problem, and it was many years before I got the meds needed to help with that (which of course changed my life). What if you tried having her sleep over (as someone mentioned) every Friday night, that way she has that to look forward to all week, she knows mom and dad care and are concerned about her but she still gets to try her wings all week. This is too long, sorry but guess you can tell I'm kind of passionate about the subject. I would just first get to the bottom of "I'm not comfortable." I'll be praying for her, it is a huge adjustment for her. Hugs ~ Mary
ReplyDeleteCan you spend some time in her new home w/ her? Can you have a girl's night, a party, help her decorate for her 1st Christmas there? Of course buying a home is a great thing and I'm sure she's thanking God for it. Such a big adjustment.
ReplyDeleteWell, since my kids seem to have done okay with this, I can tell you what I experienced when I first moved out. I hated it for a week. I cried all day long. I couldn't even see my Dad because I would start crying. I wanted to go back home. But after a week, It was like I woke up one day, I looked around and said to myself, " hey this might be fun." I started fixing it up and really I loved it so much. So she just needs an adjustment time. She will be fine. Her own house? That is so awesome. Get her a Christmas tree and start making her own memories in her own house. It is so hard on Mom though. :)
ReplyDeleteYou really have gotten some great advise here. I have nothing to add, but know that I care. I have prayed for you and your daughter many times over the last year or more and God has helped you both tremendously. He will once again.
ReplyDeleteI do remember that my daughter called me from St Louis, (I was in BC) she had been at bible school for one week and she wanted to come home. She begged me to send her a ticket home, I asked her to sleep on it and she was much better the next day. So that much is normal, it sounds like.
Love and prayers, Cindy
Being a mom is difficult. I think sometimes more so when our children move out on their own. Mealtime was the hardest, I think, for our daughter. Could you possibly go stay with her a few days? It might help her adjust a little to the new place with you nearby. You can learn so much during those nighttime chats. When it is time to go, make plans to do it again so she knows there is something to look forward to. It is hard to come home to an empty house when you are used to having someone waiting for you. Holding you in my heart. Bonnie
ReplyDeleteOh dear, I wish I knew how to help! My girls are still with me, but I pray that your dearie will soon be ok. :)
ReplyDeleteHugs,
This is a really tough time for you both. Maybe invite her home for mom/daughter time once a week for a while... or have a girls night at her new house once a week so that she has something regular to look forward to.
ReplyDeletethinkin' about you both :-)
Karen
It's hard to let them go and it's hard to go for them. Hang in there! Mimi
ReplyDeleteI would tell her that I was sending her a surprise for her new place each day in the mail. It could be something inexpensive each day, but something to make her place a home. Hope this little idea helps.
ReplyDeleteHeather
Thanks for your sweet comment on my post about the Troutdale General Store. I'm so sorry to hear your girl is struggling. It's hard when our kids are hurting. Keep encouraging her and praying with her via the phone, but don't let her give up too soon. :)
ReplyDelete